Hurray! Time for another meandering post about what's been on my mind.
Summers have been a little strange for me for the past three years. I'm still not used to working during summer. What makes it even harder is Summer Reading Program summers are terrible. As a shelver, it quickly becomes disheartening when it never seems like your work is good enough to make a dent in the mess. I'm not going to start complaining about my job(s)....but about looking for more.
It's been frustrating. I clearly love being a shelver. If I was paid just $1 more, I'd be good for another couple of years. But this is not the case. Being a clerk at Caltech is great experience too. I was fortunate to get bumped up from occasional to part-time. But either way, it's temporary work and I'm gone by December.
I'm starting grad school in August. I don't know how excited I am about it anymore. It's a lot of money. And I was never one for structured learning anyway. But what else can I do? Work is hard to find when you don't have experience. Work is hard to find period. Especially full time library work for those without advanced degrees.
I was forwarded an opening for a full-time library job at an a m a z i n g institution. What are they looking for? Me. Library experience, accounting-type knowledge, art/culture related degree, ability to read 1-2 western European languages. I've applied. I want it so bad. I will be heartbroken if I don't get a call. Just the call will do. This is special. It hurts, this anxiety. I keep going over all the ways my resume and cover letter could have been better. I may not have the most experience, but I make up for it in other ways.
I feel like I have so much to give. I have the potential to do great things. I do great work because I work with my heart. I still firmly believe that if you do what you love, you'll be fine. But I feel like I'm not getting the chances I need, to show people how good I am. I'm not a networker. Nor am I very showy. I work quietly, unassumingly in the shadows. Efficiently and silently. And always overlooked.
I'm not bitter. There are many people like this. We share the same everyday struggles. Quiet disappointments. I'm just wondering how we are supposed to shine...
Sometime soon, I may post my resume - in doodle form. Stay tuned, but don't get your hopes up.